I think fustration is the best way to sum up my feelings these past few days/week. After lots of praying, talking, and excitement I have decided that School right now is really not the best solution to our problem. If the goal is to contribute to our finances, going to school for 2 years before I can do that makes no sense. We need the help now. I am disappointed because I love school and learning but I have peace about the decision.
But here enters the fustration: I am a mom and have been without much interruption for 4 years now! Put together 5 parts horrid economy, 10 parts high unemployment, and 2 parts out of step and inexperienced mama...well. You have a recipe for lots of application time wasting.
It certainly doesn't help that my job in the spring ended on not great terms, that will tank anyone's self confidence for sure.
I have been praying...lets be real...BEGGING God to have a starbucks call me and say "You're perfect! Please come in right away because we can't function another minute without you". I have had a great conversation with the manager of the one just up the road from us, but that was after they had hired 2 people the week before. Poop. Starbucks is definitly my first choice for so many reasons: I LOVED it when I worked there before, great pay, great tips, PROFESSIONALISM, the ability to progress within the company,etc. Looking back I so wish I would have appreciated how great I had it there at 18, and stayed! Health care benefits, career advancement and the like are not things I appreciated at 18, but definitly do now.
To round out the list of 15 Starbucks I have also applied to:
Target (2)
Banks (3)
Fred Meyer(2)
Fred Meyer Jewelrs (2)
Costco (1)
Victoria's Secret
Various state positions (3)
Safeway (3)
So you see my fustration over not getting any calls. I mean come ON! I have to be quallified to do one of these stinking jobs.
It has been really hard for me to accept the fact that I am going to have to work. It is not a choie anymore but a need. I so love staying home with my babies and it is really sad for me to realize that these 3 and half years of doing so may be the only time I get to have enjoying that. Also being the super scheduled person I am...we are due for another baby! Like...soon! I have always wanted my kids to be close in age. So grasping the reality that another baby right now or anytime in probably the next year is way out of the question crushes me. Even if I wasn't looking for work Ricky can't wrap his mind around having a baby until we are more finacially stable. I would have 50 kids and figure it out as we go, he would stop right now and be happy until we are 45 and "ready" for another :)
Thank you for listening to my disjointed ramblings. This has all been swimming around in my head and making for sleepless nights. I know that God has his perfect will and timing. I know that there is a job out there for me. I know it will be MUCH better if I trust him to bring it to me. Now if I could just go from knowing to trusting.
Enjoy your weekend girlfriends. I'll be beating the streets, resume in hand :)
Friday, September 10, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Happy little moments
My best childhood memory was an on-going "date" my Papa and I had. Since I spent many of my nights over at Nana and Papa's house, Papa would read to me every night while I was in bed. What did we read? The Chronicles of Narnia of course. He would read and read and read, and when he would say it was time for bed I would beg for just ONE more chapter.
Not only did we read at night, once a week we went out to breakfast. We would get up super early to go down to the Urban Onion before I went to school.
Our order never, ever changed. Papa: a triple tall no room americano. Me: vanilla steamer. Share: The most amazing apple pie you can possibly imagine (this is in fact the pie that Ricky and I shared for our wedding "cake".)Sean, our faithful waiter would have everything ready for us within minutes of seeing us park our little fannies in a seat. Add in a snooze inducing fire and Aslan...you have the perfect morning.
I probably don't have to tell you that the Chronicles of Narnia are and always will be on my top 5 list of favorite books largely because of the precious times with my Papa. When I found out that I was pregnant with Em I was so excited for the day when I could share these stories with her (and obviously now Eli:)
About 2 weeks ago I decided to start reading more than Green Eggs and Ham to the babes before they go to sleep. So of course I pulled down my trusty copies of C.S Lewis' masterpiece. I figured they would still be way over Em's head but that it would be fun (at least for me!) to try.
Poor Eli, he just doesn't have a chance! 4 pages in every night he is face down and drooling into his pillow. But Em has really surprised me. She sits totally still right next to me and LISTENS! Wonder of wonders. Not only does she listen, she actually asks questions. "Why did he shut the door mommy?" "Why did she say that?" "Why was that mean?"
Em doesn't even argure about bed time anymore. I think she is just as excited as I am to settle in and crack open the book. We are only reading one chapter a night at this point, and we have started with the Magician's Nephew.
I love that I now get to share my favorite stories with my favorite babies. And I would be lying if I said I didn't just burst a **little** bit with pride that my 3 year old listens, engages in, and understands the Chronicles of Narnia.
Not only did we read at night, once a week we went out to breakfast. We would get up super early to go down to the Urban Onion before I went to school.
Our order never, ever changed. Papa: a triple tall no room americano. Me: vanilla steamer. Share: The most amazing apple pie you can possibly imagine (this is in fact the pie that Ricky and I shared for our wedding "cake".)Sean, our faithful waiter would have everything ready for us within minutes of seeing us park our little fannies in a seat. Add in a snooze inducing fire and Aslan...you have the perfect morning.
I probably don't have to tell you that the Chronicles of Narnia are and always will be on my top 5 list of favorite books largely because of the precious times with my Papa. When I found out that I was pregnant with Em I was so excited for the day when I could share these stories with her (and obviously now Eli:)
About 2 weeks ago I decided to start reading more than Green Eggs and Ham to the babes before they go to sleep. So of course I pulled down my trusty copies of C.S Lewis' masterpiece. I figured they would still be way over Em's head but that it would be fun (at least for me!) to try.
Poor Eli, he just doesn't have a chance! 4 pages in every night he is face down and drooling into his pillow. But Em has really surprised me. She sits totally still right next to me and LISTENS! Wonder of wonders. Not only does she listen, she actually asks questions. "Why did he shut the door mommy?" "Why did she say that?" "Why was that mean?"
Em doesn't even argure about bed time anymore. I think she is just as excited as I am to settle in and crack open the book. We are only reading one chapter a night at this point, and we have started with the Magician's Nephew.
I love that I now get to share my favorite stories with my favorite babies. And I would be lying if I said I didn't just burst a **little** bit with pride that my 3 year old listens, engages in, and understands the Chronicles of Narnia.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
No thanks, I got it.
Trust. Allowing someone else to be in cotrol. Relaxing. Not my strong points! I am much happier doing it all myself because then I KNOW things will work and everything will go to plan. And once I get things running smoothly don't you DARE suggest a change or express dissatisfaction. Because I will explode, most likely taking you out in the fireball of fury.
Problem: I am human. I don't know all and see all like I sometimes wish I could. I HAVE to trust God that he has it all in is hands and works all things together for his Glory. I misunderstand that verse on puprose a lot of times. His Glory can only come from the good, right? So wrong! Glory is more brilliant shining from the dark than from the sunshine of easy days.
Letting Ricky take the lead on things is SO hard for me. Suffice is to say that our views on financial issues and methods are so polar opposite that compromise can be excruciating to reach. If I really want to I can steam roll him, which is so wrong! There is no blessing or covering from God in that. I have to remind myself constantly that even if Ricky makes the wrond decision God will protect us if I am honoring my husband. Life is a learning process. My head knows what I should do, but my anxiety level screams "NO NO NO!!!! What is he DOING?"
So, stupid Hannah is tryng to cash in on the doulbe promise and blessing. Trust God: He knows, and he works it to his Glory (which will go good for me in the end. Trust the man I love: Right or wrong God will honor my obedience.
On a completly side note: Th rain that is sprinkling agains my window right now just makes the world seem oh so much better. Have a lovely day friends, He is working it out for the good of those who love him :)
Problem: I am human. I don't know all and see all like I sometimes wish I could. I HAVE to trust God that he has it all in is hands and works all things together for his Glory. I misunderstand that verse on puprose a lot of times. His Glory can only come from the good, right? So wrong! Glory is more brilliant shining from the dark than from the sunshine of easy days.
Letting Ricky take the lead on things is SO hard for me. Suffice is to say that our views on financial issues and methods are so polar opposite that compromise can be excruciating to reach. If I really want to I can steam roll him, which is so wrong! There is no blessing or covering from God in that. I have to remind myself constantly that even if Ricky makes the wrond decision God will protect us if I am honoring my husband. Life is a learning process. My head knows what I should do, but my anxiety level screams "NO NO NO!!!! What is he DOING?"
So, stupid Hannah is tryng to cash in on the doulbe promise and blessing. Trust God: He knows, and he works it to his Glory (which will go good for me in the end. Trust the man I love: Right or wrong God will honor my obedience.
On a completly side note: Th rain that is sprinkling agains my window right now just makes the world seem oh so much better. Have a lovely day friends, He is working it out for the good of those who love him :)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
B-e-a-u-tiful Summer
Dare I say it? Summer has arrived for a few days at least. As soon as my eyes peeped open yesterday I was in a good mood. SUN! So I went and ripped the kiddies out of bed, tossed them in some shorts, and kicked them on to the patio. It was lovely. Even just our plain old cereal breakfast seemed better than normal.
i was spectacularly proud of myself; Our normal morning routine involves the kids vegging to cartons while I attempt to wake up on the right side of the bed (which takes awhile). So the fact that the tv didn't make an appearance until late afternoon when I desperatly needed a shower was a victory in my book.
I have been waiting like a kid counting down the days to christmas for our grass to grow. Let me tell you, a year and a half of a 1/4 acre of mud makes for one psychotic, dirt hating mama! Yesterday was the first day I actuall turned the babies loose on the beautiful, emerald green lawn! AAaahhh, satisfaction. Thank you to Mr. Craig Halstrom and Ricky (my super-men) for putting in so many drops of sweat and hours to make our mud bowl a back yard.
On a completly different note: I am pleasantly surprised by my self pedicure skills. In an effort to save money I have put the kaibosh on my much coveted bi-monthly pedicures. Seriously, I thought it was going to kill me. But it turns out you can do a pretty good job at home too! Now if only I could get Ricky to rub my feet...
Enjoy the sunshine girlfriends, we earned it this winter!
Ps: I have an urge to host a super frilly, garden tea party like girls party. Summer dresses, table lines and all. Any takers?
i was spectacularly proud of myself; Our normal morning routine involves the kids vegging to cartons while I attempt to wake up on the right side of the bed (which takes awhile). So the fact that the tv didn't make an appearance until late afternoon when I desperatly needed a shower was a victory in my book.
I have been waiting like a kid counting down the days to christmas for our grass to grow. Let me tell you, a year and a half of a 1/4 acre of mud makes for one psychotic, dirt hating mama! Yesterday was the first day I actuall turned the babies loose on the beautiful, emerald green lawn! AAaahhh, satisfaction. Thank you to Mr. Craig Halstrom and Ricky (my super-men) for putting in so many drops of sweat and hours to make our mud bowl a back yard.
On a completly different note: I am pleasantly surprised by my self pedicure skills. In an effort to save money I have put the kaibosh on my much coveted bi-monthly pedicures. Seriously, I thought it was going to kill me. But it turns out you can do a pretty good job at home too! Now if only I could get Ricky to rub my feet...
Enjoy the sunshine girlfriends, we earned it this winter!
Ps: I have an urge to host a super frilly, garden tea party like girls party. Summer dresses, table lines and all. Any takers?
Friday, June 25, 2010
miley you make me cry.
Before the arrival of my two beautiful babies I was never much affected by "that time of the month". In fact i usially breezed right through no worse for the wear emotionally or physically.
They must have done something. Chemical imbalance, hormonal imbalance, let's face it, they just flat out imbalanced ME.
I really do feel sorry for my husband. The fact that I didnt "get all psycho on him" once a month was in fact one of my biggest selling points in his eyes. Those days are indeed gone, and I think he is a little mystified. If I had always been like this, he would just be used to it by now. But oh no, he is dealing with an entirely new breed of monster. (woman? MONSTER)
And to be perfectly honest i didnt know what the heck was wrong with me either!
Enter Miley Cyrus. This morning as I'm doing dishes, tripping on kids, cleaning up the trail of water bowl drool from the dog and TRYING to get ready for work, miley comes on the radio.
(Instant waterworks) that's right Miley, you go girl! Climb that mountain, I got your back.
What the heck? Seriously Hannah? Miley Cyrus? Get a grip of....oh yeah. (light bulb) its either that time again, or I'm losing it.
So here's to all my imbalanced sisters. keep climbing ladies, keep climbing.
It's always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes your gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't aboit what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
(apologies to all true Miley fans, I really have no idea what the lyrics are.)
They must have done something. Chemical imbalance, hormonal imbalance, let's face it, they just flat out imbalanced ME.
I really do feel sorry for my husband. The fact that I didnt "get all psycho on him" once a month was in fact one of my biggest selling points in his eyes. Those days are indeed gone, and I think he is a little mystified. If I had always been like this, he would just be used to it by now. But oh no, he is dealing with an entirely new breed of monster. (woman? MONSTER)
And to be perfectly honest i didnt know what the heck was wrong with me either!
Enter Miley Cyrus. This morning as I'm doing dishes, tripping on kids, cleaning up the trail of water bowl drool from the dog and TRYING to get ready for work, miley comes on the radio.
(Instant waterworks) that's right Miley, you go girl! Climb that mountain, I got your back.
What the heck? Seriously Hannah? Miley Cyrus? Get a grip of....oh yeah. (light bulb) its either that time again, or I'm losing it.
So here's to all my imbalanced sisters. keep climbing ladies, keep climbing.
It's always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes your gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't aboit what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
(apologies to all true Miley fans, I really have no idea what the lyrics are.)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Calling all girls
I find myself torn. I have always naturally tended to be a hermit. I am very happy sitting at home with my 3 little people day in and day out, I don't need anyone else. They make me happy gosh darn it.
Then I see highshcool friends, you know the ones. The girls that have been best friends since freshman year, and they still are. The whole circle of girl friends thing has always escaped me. In highschool I always had a guy, not girls. But I want girls! I want that group of ladies that sticks with you through thick and thin. The ladies that you get all dressed up and go out for fancy froo-froo drinks and dinner.
Part of the struggle is that it is hard to co-ordinate those nights when your "ladies" have kids too. Or if they don't, staying relevant with them when you are changing diapers and they are changing their wardrobes.
Now for my buddies reading this thinking "but I thought we were friends...." please don't be hurt or mystified. I guess this is my oficial notice to you that I am tired of being a hermit. I want to travel through this thing called life with a group of women to encourage, love, and laugh with. So get ready, you're phones are about to start ringing :)
Then I see highshcool friends, you know the ones. The girls that have been best friends since freshman year, and they still are. The whole circle of girl friends thing has always escaped me. In highschool I always had a guy, not girls. But I want girls! I want that group of ladies that sticks with you through thick and thin. The ladies that you get all dressed up and go out for fancy froo-froo drinks and dinner.
Part of the struggle is that it is hard to co-ordinate those nights when your "ladies" have kids too. Or if they don't, staying relevant with them when you are changing diapers and they are changing their wardrobes.
Now for my buddies reading this thinking "but I thought we were friends...." please don't be hurt or mystified. I guess this is my oficial notice to you that I am tired of being a hermit. I want to travel through this thing called life with a group of women to encourage, love, and laugh with. So get ready, you're phones are about to start ringing :)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Hello friends and family (and everything in between). Rest assured, I have not forgotten you! My blogging wheels just seem to be turning a bit slowly these days. Perhaps because the rest of my life has gone in to super over drive?
Here are the highlights:
One giant tree goes down
GRASS GOES IN!
New job: SweetSpot!
Big kid beds (tear)
Over night potty training (definitly interfering with my beauty sleep)
No potty training whatsoever for the boy
A dog thrown in for good measure
Said dog having 2 weeks of intestinal "issues" (sigh)
Lots of fun in the ever so more often appeaing sun.
Stay tuned for more, someday I will be back :)
"I'll open up and and be your parachute
I'll never let you down
So open up and be my human angel
And we'll only hit the ground,
running"]=
Here are the highlights:
One giant tree goes down
GRASS GOES IN!
New job: SweetSpot!
Big kid beds (tear)
Over night potty training (definitly interfering with my beauty sleep)
No potty training whatsoever for the boy
A dog thrown in for good measure
Said dog having 2 weeks of intestinal "issues" (sigh)
Lots of fun in the ever so more often appeaing sun.
Stay tuned for more, someday I will be back :)
"I'll open up and and be your parachute
I'll never let you down
So open up and be my human angel
And we'll only hit the ground,
running"]=
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