Work or bust

I think fustration is the best way to sum up my feelings these past few days/week. After lots of praying, talking, and excitement I have decided that School right now is really not the best solution to our problem. If the goal is to contribute to our finances, going to school for 2 years before I can do that makes no sense. We need the help now. I am disappointed because I love school and learning but I have peace about the decision.
But here enters the fustration: I am a mom and have been without much interruption for 4 years now! Put together 5 parts horrid economy, 10 parts high unemployment, and 2 parts out of step and inexperienced mama...well. You have a recipe for lots of application time wasting.
It certainly doesn't help that my job in the spring ended on not great terms, that will tank anyone's self confidence for sure.
I have been praying...lets be real...BEGGING God to have a starbucks call me and say "You're perfect! Please come in right away because we can't function another minute without you". I have had a great conversation with the manager of the one just up the road from us, but that was after they had hired 2 people the week before. Poop. Starbucks is definitly my first choice for so many reasons: I LOVED it when I worked there before, great pay, great tips, PROFESSIONALISM, the ability to progress within the company,etc. Looking back I so wish I would have appreciated how great I had it there at 18, and stayed! Health care benefits, career advancement and the like are not things I appreciated at 18, but definitly do now.
To round out the list of 15 Starbucks I have also applied to:
Target (2)
Banks (3)
Fred Meyer(2)
Fred Meyer Jewelrs (2)
Costco (1)
Victoria's Secret
Various state positions (3)
Safeway (3)

So you see my fustration over not getting any calls. I mean come ON! I have to be quallified to do one of these stinking jobs.
It has been really hard for me to accept the fact that I am going to have to work. It is not a choie anymore but a need. I so love staying home with my babies and it is really sad for me to realize that these 3 and half years of doing so may be the only time I get to have enjoying that. Also being the super scheduled person I am...we are due for another baby! Like...soon! I have always wanted my kids to be close in age. So grasping the reality that another baby right now or anytime in probably the next year is way out of the question crushes me. Even if I wasn't looking for work Ricky can't wrap his mind around having a baby until we are more finacially stable. I would have 50 kids and figure it out as we go, he would stop right now and be happy until we are 45 and "ready" for another :)

Thank you for listening to my disjointed ramblings. This has all been swimming around in my head and making for sleepless nights. I know that God has his perfect will and timing. I know that there is a job out there for me. I know it will be MUCH better if I trust him to bring it to me. Now if I could just go from knowing to trusting.

Enjoy your weekend girlfriends. I'll be beating the streets, resume in hand :)