miley you make me cry.

Before the arrival of my two beautiful babies I was never much affected by "that time of the month". In fact i usially breezed right through no worse for the wear emotionally or physically.
They must have done something. Chemical imbalance, hormonal imbalance, let's face it, they just flat out imbalanced ME.
I really do feel sorry for my husband. The fact that I didnt "get all psycho on him" once a month was in fact one of my biggest selling points in his eyes. Those days are indeed gone, and I think he is a little mystified. If I had always been like this, he would just be used to it by now. But oh no, he is dealing with an entirely new breed of monster. (woman? MONSTER)
And to be perfectly honest i didnt know what the heck was wrong with me either!
Enter Miley Cyrus. This morning as I'm doing dishes, tripping on kids, cleaning up the trail of water bowl drool from the dog and TRYING to get ready for work, miley comes on the radio.
(Instant waterworks) that's right Miley, you go girl! Climb that mountain, I got your back.
What the heck? Seriously Hannah? Miley Cyrus? Get a grip of....oh yeah. (light bulb) its either that time again, or I'm losing it.
So here's to all my imbalanced sisters. keep climbing ladies, keep climbing.

It's always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes your gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't aboit what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
(apologies to all true Miley fans, I really have no idea what the lyrics are.)

Calling all girls

I find myself torn. I have always naturally tended to be a hermit. I am very happy sitting at home with my 3 little people day in and day out, I don't need anyone else. They make me happy gosh darn it.
Then I see highshcool friends, you know the ones. The girls that have been best friends since freshman year, and they still are. The whole circle of girl friends thing has always escaped me. In highschool I always had a guy, not girls. But I want girls! I want that group of ladies that sticks with you through thick and thin. The ladies that you get all dressed up and go out for fancy froo-froo drinks and dinner.
Part of the struggle is that it is hard to co-ordinate those nights when your "ladies" have kids too. Or if they don't, staying relevant with them when you are changing diapers and they are changing their wardrobes.
Now for my buddies reading this thinking "but I thought we were friends...." please don't be hurt or mystified. I guess this is my oficial notice to you that I am tired of being a hermit. I want to travel through this thing called life with a group of women to encourage, love, and laugh with. So get ready, you're phones are about to start ringing :)

Hello friends and family (and everything in between). Rest assured, I have not forgotten you! My blogging wheels just seem to be turning a bit slowly these days. Perhaps because the rest of my life has gone in to super over drive?
Here are the highlights:
One giant tree goes down
GRASS GOES IN!
New job: SweetSpot!
Big kid beds (tear)
Over night potty training (definitly interfering with my beauty sleep)
No potty training whatsoever for the boy
A dog thrown in for good measure
Said dog having 2 weeks of intestinal "issues" (sigh)
Lots of fun in the ever so more often appeaing sun.

Stay tuned for more, someday I will be back :)

"I'll open up and and be your parachute
I'll never let you down
So open up and be my human angel
And we'll only hit the ground,
running"]=

Sacred Marriage

I'm reading a really great book, "Sacred Marriage". It is kind of rocking the way I view marriage. I highly suggest you all, marriend and un-married alike check it out. I bet you'll be surprised by how much sense it makes! Happy reading, and happy Monday.

God is kinda cool

Well, He did it. My year of worrying, stressing, ranting and raving boiled down to a whirlwind week and a half of answered prayers and solutions!
I love that God's ways are SO not my ways. I was reading in Psalms the other day and it was talking about how when God brought the Isrealites through the Red Sea, HE was the only one that knew there was a road there! No one had any idea when they were crying out to him to save them from the Egyptians that he would part the waters and lead them down the middle. Sure, they may have expected something spectacular, but I am pretty positive there was not a single person who could have even imagined what he had in mind. And that God, is MY God.
Granted, my situation wasn't quite so dire as being chased to the edge of an ocean by people wanting to kill me. But my mind marvels over how He is so faithful and able to bring all of the loose ends together in such a way that nothing is left to be done. The best part is that none of the things that happened were our doing. We would have gone 180 degrees the other direction, but he saw perfection in all of the pieces.
How can I be anything other than grateful? How can I not stand in awe of the majesty that is my God? When I had given up my final hope, cried my final tear and prepared for disaster...he swept in at the eleventh hour and layed it all out before me. Car? Sold. House? Rented. Past due payments on the Condo? Taken care of. Dead washing maching? Money for a new one. And one super extra exciting tid-bit that I had given up on (can't give details yet): He just went ahead and threw it in for kicks and giggles.
Wow, even writing this I am still reeling over all he has done for us in the past 2 weeks.
Take heart my dear, dear friends. He sees you, He knows you, He has you right in the palm of his hand. His ways are NOT your ways, and for that we should be ever so grateful.

"I've seen enough to know
That you're my only hope
I don't want to go
If you're not with me

And I will not be afraid
I will not be afraid
Cus you are with me...."

"My hiding place
My safe refuge
My treasure Lord you are
My friend and King
Annointed one
Most Holy...."

Love is in the air

So, just when you thought you had me pegged....I'm switching things up on you! Nothing fantastic to report in this blog, nothing thought provoking or life changing: just happiness. I get to go out on the town with my man tonight! Yippee for a date night that doesn't include running errands, signing papework, or some other necessary thing that requires us to dump the children and use up all of our babysitter credits among the family doing boring grown up completly un-romantic things.
Here's to love, laughter, and re-discovering why you married that big lug in the first place! Have a wonderful weekend, and try sneaking in one extra smooch when he isn't expecting it. (Preferably minus morning breath and bed head...but whatever works for you).

First confession:

Unfortunatly I have to continue my venture into the world of blogging with a confession: I am a little too concerened of what people think of me. If you check out the date on my first post, it was well over a month ago. Yet only yesterday did I finally have the courage to let anyone know I was even blogging! As soon as I hit "submit" on that oh so heart-bearing docuement, I was mortified. Let's be real: I don't like sharing my "yuck". I am pretty darn happy to pick you to pieces until you will tell me how YOU truly are doing, but a smile and a quick comment is good enough in return when you ask how I am. Don't get me wrong, when I pester you about your feelings/heart/thoughts...it is out of pure love and a desire to share your burden (a shared burden is easier carried...). But for some reason I can be exceedingly selective when it comes to who I let see ME: naked, scarred, and without my "great" mask on. I guess my earlier statement isn't quite true. It isn't so much about being worried about what people think, it is more about hating the feeling that I am whinning. I can't stand whiny people! So to me, when I keep complaining and un-loading I see myslef through other people's eyes as being un-grateful, whiny, irritating, and pathetic.
But you know what I have realized lately? I can go through all this crap, make it through and never look back (which is fine). OR, I can be real. I can open up, pour out my heart, cry when I feel like it, and allow God to work through my experiences. I guess there is nothing inherently wrong in not being transparent. But it doesn't allow others to see God's glory working through my life. Ouch. What a waste! Why experience everything I have in my 23 years of life and then shut it away and never allow the majesty and miracle of it all to see the light of day?
So here is what it boils down to I guess: There is a defference between sharing our burdens, and complaining. Being real, and being whinny.
I recently stumbled onto an artist who blows me away. I have not yet been able to listen to his album without bawling from song to song. (Just go with me here...it will tie in eventually:) His name is Jason Gray, and he stutters. A sentence that for most of us is brainless, is painstaking for him. But give that man a microphone, and he will give anyone a run for their money. It cannot be explained as anything other than a God given talent and calling.
One of his songs "you hold the key" talks about how as humans we were born to be open. But through the hurts and dissapointent of life we lock our heart away to protect it. The catch 22 though, is that in locking it away, we put ourselves in shackles. We can only REALLY be free when we are not ashamed, scarred, or angry over what has brought us to where we are. For crying out loud, this man can't speak! Yet he has the courage to get up in front of thousands and pour his heart out through song! I highly suggest you check him out, hopefully it wil change you like it has me.
Like I said before, God has been shaking my foundations. I would rather sing than breathe. But over the years I have locked that desire away to protect myself. From judgement, dissapointment, and the potential that God might not come through like he has promised to. (stupid i know) Long story short, I have reached the end of my rope. I can no longer deny this burning desire, because it is eating me alive.
Now here is where the foundation shaking comes in. To me, joining the youth worship team and (oh my!) branching out to Sunday mornings is good enough. But wouldn't you know it, God has bigger plans! Out of nowhere I got smacked upside the head with this crazy idea: what if I go to music in the rockies this year? what if I submit a song? what if I put myself out there in front of hundreds of people to be judged and critiqued? (Can you hear my voice going up an octave with each question? I am sweating just writing this!) You know what? God does not give us dreams and gifts to torture us. He puts them in our heart because he loves us, and what delights us, delights him!
As my beautiful friend Jocelynn asked me a few months ago, what is the worst that could happen by putting myself out there? Well, I of course responded that I might fall. That God may not be there to catch me (Again, stupid.) IT IS NOT ABOUT ME! It is about worshipping my king. It is about giving HIM the glory and letting HIM be responsible for the how and the why. Because I can do things my way and I probably will fall. But if I do them HIS way, he will never, Never, NEVER fail me. He can't. It is just not who he is.
We will see where things go. But at this point, my heart is pounding and my palms are sweaty because I know that even if it isn't music in the rockies, God is getting ready to put me in places that I am NOT comfortable going. Sweaty, terrified, and unsure...I will follow where he leads. Because the safest place to be is in the center of God's will :) (Look up the origins of that little statment by the way, it will probably surprise you.)
So, this wasn't as organized as I would have liked it to be. But it is me. Naked, scarred...un-ashamed. Are you along for the ride?

Jason Gray, More like falling in love:
"All relgion ever made of me
was a sinner with a stone
tied to me feet.."