Jumping In

So, I could spend un-ending hours explaining life for the last year or so to you. But really? I'm tired. I'm over it. And there are so many more worthwhile things to talk about :)
I'm sitting on the couch tonight realizing something: This is my baby.
For a long time now it has been everyone else's pregnancy, everyone else's new baby. Fun and exciting but not mine.
8 months. That is how long this baby was in the making. And really? I can't complain. I have dear, dear friends who have been knee deep in pregnancy sorrow and defeat for more than a year. But dear God, every month that test came back negative was a bone crushing defeat. A little more bitter, another layer of "I don't really care" to protect the ache, another "I knew I wasn't anyway" lie to make it through the day. So unexpected, confusing.
On Chrismas Eve when I saw that second little line my heart stopped. And then started beating for the first time in a really. long. time.
Sure there has ben excitment but tonight, something has clicked. It started with a teether, random no? I saw an add for a cute little teether and thought, "huh, I hope I remember where to find that when I need one." And then, BAM! It hit me: I can buy that. This little bump that is stubbornly breaking down my will power to not wear anything but normal clothing yet will be here in 7-ish months. It's mine, my baby, my bean, my bumpkin,my life-sucking dear baby Jesus I have never been this sick sweet pea. Not a new nephew, not a dear friend's precious angel.
I'm terrified. 3? That's no joke. I'm awed. I'm just starting to grasp that baby really. is. there. And sometime in August I get to hold him, squeeze him, kiss his perfect little nose.
And girls? I can't wait.

PS: Family and close friends know and I feel like it is time to start documenting life again so I am going to chance putting the news on this forum. We aren't in hididng (obviously I wouldn't be posting this if that were so!) but for the most part we aren't proclaiming it from the mountain tops yet. If you are one of the cherished few to read this then I am so excited to share it with you :) But please let the word spread slowly beyond these pages.